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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27157166">behind my lips (I keep your kiss)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/pseuds/MoonlightBreeze'>MoonlightBreeze</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(a little bit), ...he doesn't really get that either, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Cheating, Insecure Magnus Bane, Introspection, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Whumptober 2020, a little bit of a star crossed lovers vibe, he doesn't really get that, more details about this in my author's note, no beta we die like men, they're kind of getting those nice things but not really</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:09:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27157166</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/pseuds/MoonlightBreeze</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec went through with the marriage to Lydia, but he sees Magnus on the side. Malec secret relationship AU. </p><p> </p><p>Whumptober 2020 prompt fic - Dirty secret</p><p>No happy ending, not really. </p><p>Warning for infidelity. More details in my author's note. Please keep yourselves safe! &lt;3</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lydia Branwell/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>behind my lips (I keep your kiss)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey, guys! This fic is written for the Whumptober prompt: dirty secret. The <i>second</i> I saw this prompt, I knew I wanted to write an AU where Alec married Lydia and found himself in a secret relationship with Magnus. I really hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Something about the whole 'star-crossed lovers' thing really punches every one of my favourite angst buttons. </p><p>There is a warning for cheating/infidelity on this fic, which I'm going to explain the circumstances of here. In this fic, Alec is married to Lydia. He is in a secret relationship with Magnus, and Magnus is aware that he's married. Lydia is <i>not</i> aware that he's seeing Magnus. Hope that cleared up any confusion! &lt;3</p><p>I really hope you like this!! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) And, as always, I hope you have a wonderful day/night!</p><p>~ Em</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec woke to the feeling of the sun on his face, golden rays filtering through Magnus’s thin curtains. For a minute, the world was hazy and ethereal; <em>beautiful</em>. Alec rolled over, ruby red sheets tangling around his waist, and, for just a minute, he could pretend that this was his life, that he got to wake up to this beautiful man every morning. He treasured those blissful moments, more than anyone else would ever know. </p><p>“‘Lexander,” Magnus muttered, lifting one heavy eyelid to peek at his, his not-boyfriend, not-lover, <em>person</em>. Alexander looked beautiful in the morning sunlight, highlighted in golden hues. Sometimes Magnus wondered if the angels themselves hadn’t carved Alexander from their heavenly gold. </p><p>“Morning,” Alec whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Magnus’s lips. The soft morning light still provided them with a veil of blissful ignorance, and Alec could tell that Magnus didn’t want it to end. He didn’t want it to end, either. </p><p>“Last night was amazing,” Alec admitted, his voice no more than a breathy whisper against Magnus’s cheek. Magnus shuddered and laced their fingers together under the cover of the sheets, his lips stretching into a lazy, contented smile that made Alec’s heart feel like it might explode out of his chest. </p><p>“I’m glad to hear that,” Magnus purred. “It was good for me, too.” </p><p>Memories of the night before, of curtains being drawn and Alec capturing Magnus’s lips in a feverish kiss once he was sure they weren’t being watched, flooded into Magnus’s mind. He remembered letting the Shadowhunter push him onto his bed, take him apart with his fingers, and make him come like no one, Shadowhunter or Downworlder, had ever done before. He remembered cleaning up afterwards, the way Alec swiped the washcloth so tenderly across his chest and pressed light, feather-soft kisses to the tense muscles there. </p><p>It should have been a good memory, but the morning light was beginning to give way to dangerous daytime and Magnus could feel their illusion of happiness slipping away. </p><p>“What time is it?” Alec groaned, and Magnus felt the smile he’d been wearing slip from his face. </p><p>“It’s 9AM,” he informed the Shadowhunter with a heavy heart. He knew what would come next. </p><p>“Shit,” Alec cursed. “I’ve got to get back to the Institute. Lydia’s probably wondering where I’ve been.” He stood up and started searching for his clothes, letting out occasional curses as he found them in odd places, courtesy of Magnus’s impatience last night. </p><p>Magnus winced, as he always did, at the mention of Alec’s wife. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her; he’d met her before, many times, on work calls to the Institute or when she required his services for a transport. She seemed sharp, efficient; the perfect leader, the perfect wife, the perfect daughter. Magnus would be surprised if she had even a hair out of place. </p><p>And that, in a way, was why he hated her, too.</p><p>Lydia was fearless and indestructible, like the warrior Alec’s parents had trained him to be. Lydia listened to her head over her heart and she didn’t allow anyone else to tell her what to do. She was everything Magnus wished he could be. Everything that he knew he would never be. </p><p>Alec finished lacing his boots and shrugged his leather jacket on over his shoulders, leaning over the bed to steal a quick kiss from Magnus. Magnus pressed his lips to Alec’s harder than before, harder even than last night. He didn’t want Alec to go. He wanted him to <em>stay</em>. </p><p>“Thank you,” Alec mumbled, and it was so soft that Magnus almost didn’t hear it. The Shadowhunter’s eyes were closed, black eyelashes covering heavy eyelids that hid bright blue eyes from a world that didn’t deserve to see them. Magnus was jealous of Lydia, jealous of the New York Institute and the Clave and Alec’s parents; jealous of anyone that got to see his cerulean eyes when they barely deserved to see the back of his head as he walked away from them all. </p><p>“What are you thanking me for?” Magnus asked, though he already knew the answer to that question. </p><p>“For being here,” Alec replied, brushing his fingers through Magnus’s messy black hair with a tenderness Magnus had never known before Alec. The Shadowhunter was his saving grace, in a lot of ways. </p><p>“You’re welcome,” Magnus replied carefully, reaching out to cup Alec’s cheek gently in his palm. He wasn’t sure what else he could say. He wasn’t here for Alec; he was for <em>himself</em>. He was here because he was too cowardly and too insecure and too in love with the Shadowhunter to be anywhere else. </p><p>“I have to go,” Alec said, and Magnus tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut. It was like this every time Alec left. He would be gone a few days, Magnus would drown his sorrows in whiskey bottles, and within a week, usually less, Alec would turn up again and knock on Magnus’s door late at night and they would have another perfect few hours before the harsh bite of reality came to ruin it. </p><p>Magnus was so sick of the whole routine that it made him want to go to sleep and never wake up so long as he lived.</p><p>Alec clutched Magnus’s hand tighter and gave it one final, reassuring squeeze. The faint squeeze he received in return was enough for Alec to feel relatively confident that he could leave Magnus alone right now. He pressed a gentle kiss to Magnus’s knuckles and slipped out of his lover’s apartment. </p><p>On the way back to the Institute - not home, not anymore - Alec warred with himself the same way he always did after every trip to Magnus’s, every time. Lydia was probably waiting for him, debating calling him but remembering when Alec had told her not to call unless it was an emergency. That, he was sure, was a rule she would abide by. As hard-headed and stubborn as she was, she respected him. It was the best partnership Alec could have hoped for.</p><p>She didn’t know what he did when he snuck away for these secret meetings with the High Warlock of Brooklyn - he had made sure of that - but she was smart and perceptive and Alec knew it was only a matter of time before the truth came out. </p><p>And he didn’t know what he would do then. </p><p>Being with Magnus was the easiest choice Alec had ever made; he could admit that. Staying with Magnus, choosing Magnus over all that he had ever known, all that he <em>was</em>, that was the hard choice. </p><p>Alec was tired of taking the easy way out, but he was scared and he was <em>married</em>, for fuck’s sake, and the entire Shadow World thought he was nothing more than another diplomat under the Clave’s thumb, trying to unite the different factions with a common goal. While all of that was true, sometimes Alec wished he could be a different kind of leader, a <em>new </em>kind of leader. </p><p>But that was a pipe dream, and Alec knew it. He’d never be anything more than what he was, what he was supposed to be. Magnus? Magnus was the little slice of happiness he’d allowed himself, and he didn’t know what he was <em>doing</em>, falling in love with a warlock that made everything in his life so much more complicated than it was before. But he was, he <em>had</em>; Alec Lightwood was in love with Magnus Bane and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.</p><p>Alec reached the Institute fifteen minutes before the start of his first meeting, and he took a second to pause outside, catch his breath. It was time to stop being Alec and time to start being whoever the people needed him to be. </p><p><em>That </em>was his reality.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="http://moonlight-breeze-44.tumblr.com/">Stalk me on Tumblr</a>
</p><p>Prompts are open, but very slow! Thank you for your patience. &lt;3</p><p>If you love Shadowhunters, chaos, and gaining new friends (or any combination of the three), I invite you to <a href="https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD">join the Discord server</a> I run with my friends! We're a multifandom server that caters to Shadowhunters, Supernatural, Marvel, and more. We welcome everyone, and we'd love to have you! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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